I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sponge bath it is.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Green mimosas i think yes
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
