The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
