I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Come see our sink grown plant.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
