you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
