Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
