Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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