You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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