Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
