i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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