I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
