Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So much Jack, so little girl.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
