i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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