he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
