I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
