I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
