remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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