No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
