So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
