In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
