there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
