now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
