Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
