great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
