Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
