So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
