Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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