the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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