i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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