My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
