we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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