She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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