"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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