I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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