I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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