Cold hands, warm shart.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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