When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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