My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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