2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
