everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
