I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
