My cat gives me a boner
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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