my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
