u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
