I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize