apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
