I never want to see another naked old woman again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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