Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
