Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
