he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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