it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
