You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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