Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
