I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
