Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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