Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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