its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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