we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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