i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
