dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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