Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
