when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize