I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
