my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
