We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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