I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
