Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize