the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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